I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
