We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
