I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
