remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
