someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
