the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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