We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
