im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
