please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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