You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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