Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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