do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
