you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
