well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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