And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
