glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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