I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
