is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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