I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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