be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
