I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
