I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
