You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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