ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
