i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
