if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I will die if light touches me.
It's Friday. Sex?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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