I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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