btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So much rum. So many feels.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
