Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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