her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
