went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
