How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
