bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
