I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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