i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
