Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
