I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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