Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
