this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
