I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
