i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
