Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
