Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
