I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
