I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
