in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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