come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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