I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
