I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
