well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
