wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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