I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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