currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize