My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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