I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
