someone threw a dead crab at me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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