last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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