when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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