so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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