So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
