I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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