and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
did you just send me my own nude
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
