My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
