and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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