you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
