i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize