so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
