I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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